I had a wild ride for a while. I’d go from meeting pop stars and footballers to scoring drugs in dives and ended up homeless for a short time. My life was chaotic and in constant crisis. It was all I knew. I had experienced significant childhood trauma which I normalised.
My solution was to defy authority and obliterate my feelings.
From the age of 13 I drank to blackout. And when my system started to have trouble processing alcohol, I added drugs. My body was a science lab. I drank and I drugged, and I crashed and bashed. I was unteachable and yet what I really wanted was help. One day a friend who I knew had stopped the drink and drugs asked, ‘how’s the drinking going and I broke down’. I rang a helpline that morning and my life started to turn around.
It’s been a long time since then and every day I’m grateful I don’t drink, and I don’t abandon myself. This is a disease. It’s a disease that not only tells you it’s not, it’s persuaded society it’s not a problem too. But it kills and I’m lucky to be alive.