When I had my first drink of alcohol (at age 13), I remember thinking 'this feels amazing'. For once in my life I had the confidence I so yearned for as a young lad and I was finally able to not overthink everything I did and said. While I wasn't addicted from my first drink, over time I used alcohol to cope in life, to manage my emotional state, to feel comfortable in the world and to provide me with an escape from the guilt and shame I was experiencing, from constantly crossing my values each time I drank.
At 33 I couldn't live that life anymore, daily drinking had worn me out. I had nothing and I was a shell of a man. Suicidal thoughts were a daily feature and I was in a state of complete hopelessness. I reached out to my parents and for the first time in my life, got honest about my inability to stop drinking.
Soon enough I was in a rehab where my recovery journey began. I learnt so much about my addiction, why I drank and what I needed to do to maintain my recovery. My life 8 years later is unrecognisable to where I was, I now have freedom from the shackles of my addiction and have a level of comfort and self-belief that I thought was never possible without drinking.